So far it kind of seems like it's flying by, but that's probably because I am so busy chasing after my little spazz that I don't have time to think about it. I also think it's flying by because I would prefer it to go slower. I don't feel the connection yet that I felt at this point with Andrew. That guilt is weighing on me, but I don't want to think about it so I just push it aside and ignore it. Healthy, I know.
I have my second OB appointment tomorrow and I'm hoping that I'll get to actually hear the heartbeat. We only saw it during the u/s 4 weeks ago, so I'd like the reassurance of hearing it.
My family still doesn't know that I am pregnant and it appears that they won't until Easter weekend when we have Andrew's 2nd birthday party. Yeah, I'll be 19 weeks then and there will be no hiding the fact that I am knocked up. I want to tell them in person and since my mom bailed this past weekend I didn't get to do it. I keep living in fear that one of mine or J's friends will slip up and post something on facebook. Then I'll have to deal with my parents being pissed about finding out second hand.
Of course I do not have one single ounce of excitement in me about telling my sister that she's going to be an aunt again. I believe that she is currently avoiding me because she is in Disney right now with my other sister and my nieces and I'm guessing she might feel a little guilt about her obvious favoring of the girls over my child. I'm to the point that I don't care anymore. If the last two years have taught me anything (besides how awesome it is to be a mom) it's that she is a spoiled brat.
So yeah, that's where I am right now. Starting 2nd tri, disconnected and still a little ambivalent. I hope things change soon...
Don't be too hard on yourself. You will connect to that little munchkin just give it time. I am sure as soon as the kicks start up you will and you won't be able to avoid it.
ReplyDeleteWe haven't started working on our own 2.0 yet, but it seems from reading other mamas' experiences that its so normal not to feel as connected the second time around. I think when you're going through all the firsts of pregnancy, it carries extra excitement. You guys were trying, and you definitely want this sweet baby, so I would definitely agree - don't be hard on yourself! We have a lifetime of feeling guilty about this or that with our kids. This is ok. :)
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up lady! I think with a second one it's harded to feel so attached so soon b/c so much of your love is already focused on your first! Don't worry you'll get there!
ReplyDeleteALso, I need to know the story of your sister! You mention it a lot but I've not read what it is. Maybe I should search the archives in case it happened before I was a reader!
I'm trying not to, I just feel guilty like I am slighting this one by not focusing like I did with Andrew. But I know it's impossible to because I have a crazy toddler who demands my attention.
DeleteThe gist of it with my sister is here: http://babywisontheway.blogspot.com/2011/04/whats-in-name.html
Sorry it's not clicky!
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