Monday, August 12, 2013

Success... And Then Failure

This past weekend we started the daunting task of transitioning Andrew from the crib to his big boy bed.  The plan was to get him in there Friday night since he was home with me all day and I was able to keep him up.  We got the rails on the bed, but then I chickened out because I had gotten very little sleep the previous couple nights and I just didn't have it in me to deal with what I was sure would be a long night.  So into the crib he went (and I still got a shitty night's sleep).

Saturday he was again up for most of the day. Between our friend's son's birthday party and a trip to Sam's he got a 15 minute power nap in the car, but that was it. That night, even though I was still exhausted, we went for it.  I moved all of his crib buddies to his new bed and we placed some pillows along the bottom of the bed as a barrier.  All during the evening I kept talking about him sleeping in his big boy bed. We put him up there and he was going to town jumping around and laughing.

When it was bedtime I sat in the recliner in his room with him to read books. We got through two and then he copped down off my lap. I thought he was going to get another book, but he grabbed the stool and climbed up on the bed.  I asked if he wanted to go to bed and he just laughed.  So I did a final butt check, turned out the light, turned on the fan and started to rock him.  He kept complaining about his nose, but I didn't have any wipes in there. When I thought he was asleep I put him on the bed and ran next door to the nursery to get a wipe for his nose. Before I could get back in there he was already coming out the door.  Ugh.

This time J got him and sat in the recliner with him.  He rocked him for 15 minutes and once he started twitching he placed him on the bed.  I spent the next two hours obsessively watching the monitor to see if he was going to wake up yelling.

He moved around the bed, but he made it 11 hours through the night without a single peep. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I was convinced we would be up all night.

When he woke up I went and got him and told him how proud I was of him. I let him know he did such a great job and he was a big boy sleeping in his big boy bed.  I was feeling good.

Then last night happened.

He was in the bed at 9:00 and when we went to bed at 10:15 he was still snoozing. That lasted another hour and at 11:15 he was sitting up and yelling.  I went to check him since he drank so much before bed - I needed to make sure he wasn't soaked.  He wasn't so I rocked him for a while and had him back in the bed at 11:45. By midnight he was yelling again.  J went down this time because it looked like he was heading for the pillow barrier at the end of the bed. He rocked him for a while and on the monitor I saw him try to lay down with him in the bed. No dice. Andrew was yelling and crying.  I went down to get him some tylenol (he has a bit of a cold), but when I tried to walk away he freaked. He wanted me and me only.  So I took over and rocked him til he was out.  He was back in bed and I was upstairs at 1:00.  Unfortunately I had not slept at all up until this point due to my insomnia.  I may have dozed slightly when he started crying again at 3:00 AM.  That's when I threw in the towel.  We both went downstairs and I grabbed all his stuff and put it back in the crib.  J rocked him for a bit and put him down and  I could hear him crying.  J turned the volume on the monitor to the lowest setting and we let him cry it out.  He gave up after 10 mins and went to sleep.  I finally fell asleep close to 4:00, so I'm trying to function on two hours of sleep today.

To say I feel defeated is an understatement.  I was so hopeful that the great night we had on Saturday meant good things.  I know it's not going to happen overnight and it's most likely not going to be an easy transition.  I've just been feeling down about my parenting abilities lately and last night let all the wind out of my sails.  Between my not sleeping and his outbursts I am so exhausted, and I know that soon it is only going to be worse with a newborn in the house. It's giving me even more anxiety, which leads to even poorer sleep. It's a vicious cycle.

Our new plan of attack is to put him in the bed.  He will have one or two chances to settle himself and then he will be put back into the crib to cry it out.  We've already stupidly set the precedent that if he cries we'll come, so that's our fault and we have to break the habit.  And unfortunately he doesn't seem to dislike his crib, so the threat of having to go back to it probably isn't going to work, but it's all we've got right now.

Right now the only thing keeping me going is the hope that Saturday night is the norm and last night was an anomaly.  Now if only I could get J to stop snoring and could shut my mind off and get some sleep...


  1. I'll tell you what we did, recognizing that what works for one person does not necessarily work for others.

    It wasn't fun, but for a long time I would lay down with James, and then we he fell asleep, I'd go to our bed. If he woke up screaming, or just came running to our room, which happened multiple times a night for a while, I would just take him back to his bed, lay with him, and leave when he fell asleep. Once he got good about going to sleep, then I transitioned to just being beside his bed. Repeat everything else. The kicker is I have not yet mastered putting him to bed and him actually staying in there awake. I have to wait for him to fall asleep. I have a friend who's kid will do it, but not James yet.

    Anyway, that's been it for us. I surely hope it gets better for you soon. And remember - you're a great mom! I know it's easy to feel defeated. James started having some less than stellar reports in the gym childcare - pushing, not sharing, hitting - you know, awesome stuff. I felt like the worst parent ever, like surely I let this happen. We're working on it and he's getting better, but we ALL have that defeated feeling sometimes. I am certain that you are doing a great job. Hang in there, and do NOT be so hard on yourself :)

    1. Yeah, my husband tried laying down with him that night and it was a no go. He was all out of sorts. I am very happy to say that last night he was in the bed at 9:30 (need to work on getting him settled earlier) and we didn't hear a peep out of him until we woke him up at 7:00 this morning. So 2 out of 3 nights have been successful so far.

      He has just really been testing us lately with the tantrums and the outbursts and it's been very hard. I get frustrated with him and then feel horrible for getting so frustrated with a two year old for acting like a two year old. I just want my sweet little guy back!

  2. this scares me. i'm from the april 2011 bump boards with you so my boy is the same age. he has been crawling out of his crib for weeks, but i just recently ordered the guard rails. they are being shipped today so we should be receiving it in a few weeks. i'm scared to actually put him in a big boy bed :( he crawls out of his crib anyway so hopefully it won't be worse once the rails are on. who knows. i keep telling myself it's just a transition, he can't keep getting out of bed all not forever...can he?? ;) good luck mamma! we can do this!

    1. Amazingly Andrew has only climbed out of his crib one time and that was when he was having a tantrum and we put him in there for a little time out. He seems to like the crib. Fortunately he seems to be coming around to the bed. I know it's probably going to be a long drawn out process to get him fully transitioned, but there's no going back now! Good luck to you, too!!