Fast forward 12 weeks to the first time I had to go back to the office.The entire day before I started back I was a teary mess. Every time I thought about him crying and me not being there to comfort him I broke down. I remember sobbing my way through my shower that night. I was able to make it out of the house with no tears that Monday, but I had a breakdown on the way out the door on Tuesday. He was home with my mother-in-law, which made it a little easier, but I was still a bit of a mess.
Fast forward another month and a half to when he started at daycare. The first day I took him in and got him settled my heart was in my throat. I couldn't stop thinking that he was in a strange place and he would be a meltdowny mess all day not knowing where he was or who he was with. The tears welled up in my eyes a little as I pulled away in my car, but I kept it under control. So I wasn't as much of a mess as the first time I had to leave him, but still a little bit.
Now here we are almost 14 months later. Andrew loves daycare. He loves Andrea and Marc, he loves the other kids, and he has such a good time there. They constantly tell me how good he is, they send and post pictures and videos so I know he is having a good time and is happy. I know he is well taken care of and is in a good environment. But there are mornings like today when he starts crying as I walk away and my heart just breaks. I know he's just going through a clingy stage and they assure me that a minute after I walk out the door he is fine, but it is still like a dagger to the heart. To see his little scrunched up face, tears rolling down his cheeks as he crawls/toddles after me just kills me. Even thinking about it right now is making me tear up.
I don't know. I just really thought it would be easier by now. Then again I guess maybe it will never be easy to say goodbye. I can't imagine the mess I am going to be when J and I take our first trip away from Andrew in December. Maybe I should start stocking up on tissues now...
Really, who wouldn't want to hang out with this sweet kid all day?