I have gone back and forth over the years with the whole kid thing. Back in my early 20's when I was engaged to another guy I had come to the decision that I didn't want kids. If I'm honest with myself, though, it was that I just couldn't see myself having kids with him (one of the many red flags that motivated me to call off that wedding).
Once I met J and we got serious I had changed my tune. I couldn't wait to start our family and seeing those two lines on the pregnancy tests (I took several!) made me happier than I ever could have imagined.
Now, 5 months after Andrew came into our life, I couldn't be happier. I love him with every fiber of my being. Seeing him smile or hearing his laugh fills me with so much joy that I can't even put it into words. I never in a million years could have guessed just how much I could love this little person.
Of course now we have everyone asking when we are going to have another one, and I'm torn. Before I had said that I definitely wanted two because I grew up with two sisters and couldn't imagine being an only child. Having a built-in co-conspirator made childhood that much more interesting. And - name drama notwithstanding - I love my siblings to death.
But now I am having a hard time thinking about number two. I think it's because I love Andrew so much and I can't get my head around loving another person that much. I know deep down that I would, but right now I can't imagine it. I guess because if there was another baby then I wouldn't be able to give him all of my attention like I do now.
There's also the part of me that thinks that we have gotten way too lucky with him and there is no way lightning is striking twice. We got pregnant pretty quickly (cycle #3), I had a very easy and uncomplicated pregnancy (besides 38 weeks of awful constipation), a quick and easy delivery (8 hours from first contraction to him being here), and a relatively easy baby. Yeah, the first 10 weeks or so were tough, but then he started sleeping 8+ hours a night and it got much easier. There was no colic, no reflux, no extreme fussiness. It just makes me think that if we have another one he/she would be a complete trainwreck to make up for the easy time we've had this go around.
I don't know - maybe as he gets older I will be able to think about going for two, but right now I just want to enjoy all the new experiences with him and watch him grow.
My husband mentioned this last night. He said if we decided to have another do you think we would get as lucky and have another "easy" baby. I honestly don't know.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who has two under two and both of her kids are amazing and easy tempered. I don't think I would be that lucky.
I know what you mean - I think to myself all the time that we won't luck out like this again. I guess that's just the chance we have to take. My h is an only child and absolutely hated it (and I get to hate it with him now that his parents have nothing else to do but meddle in our lives...). Good Luck with your decision - ya'll make super cute kids so I vote you have a couple more :)
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