Some Comparisons

I know you aren't supposed to, but I also know I won't be able to help comparing my two boys as they grow.  Right now there isn't much to go on since Elliot is only one month old (and Andrew is 2.5 as of today - where has the time gone?!?), but I'm already seeing some similarities and differences between the two.

Andrew at 1 day old and Elliot at 5 days old

They were similar in size when born - Andrew was 7 lbs 5 oz and 20.75 inches and Elliot was 7 lbs 8 oz and 20 inches.  According to the measurement they had the same size head, but Andrew's looked a lot bigger. I think it's because Elliot's face is kind of compact.  Andrew had/has long and thick eyelashes and Elliot's are almost non-existent.  Andrew had a thin tuft of light hair on the top of his head and Elliot has a mass of dark hair on the back of his, but not much on top.  Andrew has blue eyes and it's looking like Elliot's are going to be brown.  They both have the little pouty lips and so far they have similar noses.

As far as temperament it's hard to tell just yet.  From what I remember I think Andrew was a little fussier.  Elliot is pretty laid back so far.  He fusses, but there's always a reason. He's either tired, hungry or needs changed.  Andrew loved being swaddled but Elliot raises hell if we try to confine him and pin his arms.  Andrew loved the swing and slept in it a lot in the first month or so but Elliot doesn't enjoy it that much. He'll sit in it some, but he'd rather be elsewhere.

They both LOVE sleeping on the boppy pillow

 They are also both very snuggly and cuddly.  Andrew's favorite place to nap seemed to be on our chests and Elliot is following suit:

You can see the difference in their hair here, too,

As Elliot grows I am interested to see in what other ways they are alike and different.  All I know is they are both super sweet and I love them to death.  J and I have two adorable little boys and I feel beyond blessed to be able to call myself their mom.

One Month

Holy moly - Elliot is already one month old. How did that happen??

The time is already flying by.  It probably went even faster because we had help for the first almost 4 weeks so we weren't in a sleepless haze (like we are now).  Either way, it seems crazy that we have already been a family of four for a whole month.

My fears of Andrew being jealous and hating his little brother have been eased.  It took him a little while, but he has adjusted very well and loves his baby brother.  When I get him up for breakfast in the morning if Elliot isn't down here he asks "Where's baby brother?".  The other morning after he had breakfast we heard Elliot start to fuss upstairs. Andrew grabbed a bottle of pumped milk that was sitting on the counter, exclaimed "Baby's milk" and took off up the stairs to find him to give it to him:

Last night when Elliot was in the car seat when I got home from picking Andrew up from daycare he looked at him, said "That's my baby brother!" and went and put a blanket on him.  And Sunday morning when I had Elliot on the boppy on the chaise Andrew hopped up there to sit next to him. He loves to say "Baby's soft!" and rub his little head.  Seeing him sitting (willingly) with his baby brother melts my heart:

Elliot is doing well, too.  He's not sleeping through the night by any means, but we can get one almost 5 hour stretch out of him for the first part of the night.  He's eating like a champ, but I'm a little concerned about how fussy he gets when he is eating sometimes. I hope it's not reflux, and since it's not every time he eats I don't think it is.  He isn't a fussy baby, but if he's hungry, tired or needs changed he'll make some noise.  He loves to cuddle, makes the sweetest and cutest little grunts and sighs and looks like an angel when he's sleeping.  It appears his eyes are going to be brown and he has a mass of dark hair on the back of his head, so apparently he and his brother are going to look very different from each other.

I'm taking Andrew in for his 30 month well check next week and I'm hoping I can plop Elliot on the scale to see how much he weighs now.  We've moved him up to size one diapers but he's still fitting in his newborn clothes.  He's still a scrawny little guy, but he's starting to fill out.

Oh, and my fear that I couldn't possibly love another baby like I love Andrew was unfounded.  I'm like the Grinch and my heart has grown a few sizes since Elliot arrived. I love both of my boys more than life and can't imagine life without them.  I'm looking forward to watching the two of them grow up together and watching them become the best of friends.  I just don't want it to come too quickly - I want Elliot to remain my little baby for a while longer.

On Our Own

This morning J's mom left to go back home to Charlotte. She had been here for the past three weeks helping out with Elliot.  I know a lot of people have tense relationships with in-laws, and it's true that mine can sometimes drive me absolutely crazy, but I really cannot sing her praises enough in this instance.  Her help, especially at night, has been invaluable.  I actually feel like a human being because I've been able to get a decent amount of sleep the last few nights.  I'm pretty sure all of that will be coming to an end.

I'm not sure if that is why I've been such an emotional mess this morning or not.  All I know is when I was talking to her this morning as she was packing up her stuff I kept tearing up. And once they left I was a bawling mess.

I think it's because I am now terrified about handling all of this on my own.  I know I've done it before and we made it through this period with Andrew.  I'm not sure why I'm so scared this time.  Probably because I also have to handle Andrew - a two and a half year old ball of energy that demands attention almost constantly.  It's not like I'm doing it alone or anything. J is a wonderful father and we are in this together.  We just need to get ourselves into a routine and get settled.

I have two weeks left of maternity leave (yeah, that's it and it SUCKS), but I still have 10 weeks until I will be going back to the office.  Hopefully that gives me plenty of time to get a morning routine down so that when I DO have to get both kids out the door it won't be such a mess.

But I don't want to think about that right now, because it stresses me out.  Instead I just want to enjoy the time I have left when I can just sit and watch this precious baby and not have to worry about work:

How We're Doing

I know I haven't been posting much lately, but that can't be all that surprising considering the whole new baby in the house thing.  It's not that I don't have any time since Elliot still loves to sleep, but I have had the attention span of a gnat due to my interrupted sleep so I haven't been able to put together a coherent thought lately.  Things are improving, though, so I thought I'd update.

First off, Andrew is adjusting well.  When he doesn't see Elliot he'll ask "Where's the baby?".  Or if Elliot is crying he'll ask "Why's the baby crying?".  A couple times he has wanted up in the recliner with me while I've been feeding Elliot and when I've told him he needs to wait a few minutes he has gotten upset.  The first time it happened I teared up. I don't want him feeling like I don't have time for him or that he's been replaced.  He hasn't done it lately, though, so it's getting better.  And a couple times while I've been feeding the baby he's walked up with a burp cloth and started rubbing Elliot's head and saying "Wash baby's head!".  I love that he's trying to "help".

I've been doing what I can to make sure I have one on one time with Andrew.  This past weekend I took him to the park for almost two hours so J and my MIL could clean the house.  We took the golf cart and hit two different parks (the big one a mile from our house and the smaller one behind the school next to us).  It's important to me that we have some time together because he's my first baby and I don't want him to feel like he is less important now.

We did have a little stomach bug issue on Monday and I had to go get him from daycare.  He was a miserable little munchkin that day and night, but he's doing much better now. Thankfully on Monday when he was sick he was relatively content enough to lay on the couch with us while I fed the baby:

As for Elliot, he's doing well.  As of last Wednesday he was back up to birth weight, so it only took him to 11 days to get there (Andrew took almost 3 weeks).  He is eating very well and is a hungry little bugger.  There is clearly no problem with his kidneys or bowels based on the sheer number of diapers we go through.  We've had a few incidents with shooting poo (clear across the room and onto the curtains. I'm not kidding) and I've been peed on and spit up on simultaneously, but he's doing great.

He is still very sleepy during the day, but we're working on it.  He's also been waking up an hour after eating in the middle of the night and my MIL has been having to give him a small bottle, so last night I pumped before bed and when I came down four hours later to feed him I gave him that 3.5 ounces first and then nursed him to make sure he was getting enough.  For the first time in over a week he was still asleep when I came down the next time to feed him. So I pumped one side, got Andrew's breakfast all ready, and then went and woke up Elliot and nursed him on the other side.  So last night was the first night since she'd been here that my MIL didn't get up to soothe him at all overnight.

Way too alert for the middle of the night!

Speaking of which, having her here again to help out has been a godsend. She gets up with him if he's just fussy overnight and soothes him if she can. If not I come feed him. And she has watched him for me some mornings for an hour or two so I can lay back down and try to catch a quick nap.  I'm not sure how much longer she's staying (she's been here for two weeks), but I am grateful for the help as long as we have it.

I can't believe I only have three weeks left of maternity leave (this country blows for maternity coverage).  Fortunately I will be working from home with Elliot for another 8 weeks so he won't start daycare until December 1st.  Hopefully by then we have a routine going because right now I am dreading how to handle getting the two of them (and me) ready to get out the door in the mornings.

Anyway, things are going well. I'm tired, of course, but I'm also so in love with my guys. I feel so blessed to have two beautiful healthy children and I want to enjoy every second with them.  Life is good  :)

Oh, and here I am at 20 days postpartum.  I still have 18 lbs to go to get back to pre-pregnancy weight and I can't wait to get the all clear to get back to the gym.

I'm wearing non-maternity shorts for one of the first times since Elliot was born.  My belly is still really doughy and I need to get back to lifting to tone up my arms again. I feel like most of the weight is in my legs and butt so I'll have my work cut out for me.  Oh well, it was all for a very good cause:

Wordless Wednesday ~ My Three Loves

Newborn Photos

On Thursday I took Elliot to get his newborn pictures done at 5 days old.  I also took Andrew with us in hopes of getting some sweet pictures of the two of them.  He wasn't overly cooperative (he cried when we asked him to lay on the blanket and would roll away every time we put the baby next to him), but with the bribe of fruit snacks and watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates on Selena's phone we were able to get a couple cute ones:

I was also tickling his legs which is how we got a smile out of him.

This one cracks me up with Elliot's facial expression  :)

Once we got a few of the two of them I called J to see if he could come get Andrew. I knew we still had a while to go and there was no way my little 2.5 year old was going to last.  He hadn't napped and he was getting fussy.  Thankfully J's conference call was over and he was able to head our way.  Once they were gone we got started on Elliot.

I'm in love with this one and his little grin.

He peed all over the blanket during this one.

Trying to get him to keep his little legs folded up to cover the goods for this one wasn't easy.  She would get him all settled and as soon as she grabbed the camera he would kick his legs out. My little exhibitionist.

Another little smirk  :)

My sweet little peanut

I had to stop and nurse him three times throughout the photo shoot, but I think we were pretty successful.  I regret not doing real newborn pictures for Andrew and had I known this photographer then I would have. This is the third time she's done photos for us and I have never been disappointed with the results.

At the end she asked if I wanted some of me with him and even though I wasn't feeling overly photogenic on only a couple hours of sleep I couldn't pass up getting some pics with my little guy:

I love this one.

I can't wait to get the rest of them. Selena will send them to me on a USB, but considering it's a holiday today there won't be any mail. Really hoping to get it tomorrow so I can see what other adorable pictures she captured.

The Fun of Jaundice

Jaundice is something new and exciting that we're dealing with this go 'round.  It's funny because I swear Andrew was more yellow than Elliot is, but his numbers were fine and Elliot's weren't.  When we were still in the hospital his jumped from 7.5 to 11.5 so before we could leave we had to get a photo therapy light to take home with us.  His numbers aren't dangerously high, but apparently they were high enough to warrant a little extra precaution.

Chillin' on the bili light

On Monday we had to take Elliot to the pedi to have a heel stick so they could run the labs again and see how we are doing.  I had high hopes that maybe they would have gone down because he'd been nursing (and pooping!) like a champ.  Thank god J went with me so he could hold Elliot during the heel stick because it was awful. Hearing him crying and screaming like that had me in tears.  My poor little baby  :(   His weight was at 6 lbs 14 oz, so he was only down 10 oz from birth weight at two days old.

We made another appt for Wednesday and I was really hoping maybe we wouldn't have to go to it. They didn't call with the results like Dr. Graham said they would so I called the office Wednesday morning.  The nurse said they had the results and Dr. Graham said he would go over them with us at the appt.  So off we went to another pedi appt at four days old.  His bili had gone up to 14.8. Damn.  I thought maybe we wouldn't need another heel stick, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. This time Elliot was a champ and barely cried (so neither did I).  Dr. Graham really thought that his number would be down to 13 or so based on just looking at him. He said they'd call with the results this time but to be on the safe side we'd keep him on the lights for another 48 hours. (Oh, and he gained 3.5 ounces in two days and was up to 7 lbs 1.5 oz).

Yeah, I wouldn't like it either!

We got him home and back on the light. I was nursing him when the nurse called with the results.  Up to 15.9. Double damn.  So we had to make another appt for today for yet another heel stick.  Ugh.

A little family lounge time

We have been much more diligent about keeping him on the light these last two days because I do NOT want to have to go through yet another check.  Today's was just as bad as Monday's with the crying. I handled it a little better, but it's still so hard to see your little tiny baby in distress.  We didn't get a weight check today so I'm not sure what he is up to, but the kid can eat so he has to be gaining.

Speaking of which, I can hear the little guy starting to stir so it's time to go feed him.  I want him to eat as much as possible to flush all this bilirubin out of him.  Keep your fingers crossed that the light and the nursing are doing their job and we get good results today!

Hospital Pictures

Here are some of the pictures that were taken of Elliot by Bella Baby Photography in the hospital.  We're having actual newborn pictures done tomorrow by our photographer, but I'm tempted to buy at least one of these since these are the only newborn pics we did of Andrew and I'd love to have one of these for comparison (we used the same green blanket for both of them).

These ones are so cute that I can't wait to see what Selena will do for us tomorrow!

Introducing...

Elliot Martin.

It's funny, I had almost resigned myself to the fact that I might have to go the induction route because he didn't seem to want to come.  Well, that all changed less than 12 hours after I posted about the possible induction.

Friday night we went to bed a little after 11:00. I was just settling down and hoping to fall asleep when I felt a pop.  I laid there for a minute waiting to see if anything was happening.  When I shifted around I felt the fluid start to gush.  I said "Oh shit!" under my breath and ran for the bathroom.  This was at 11:28 PM. The clear fluid gushing out confirmed my suspicion that my water had just broken. I put a new pad on and climbed back in bed, telling J that my water had just broken, but I wasn't having contractions yet.

I went ahead and called my mom to give her the heads up so she could head this way to watch Andrew, but I got her voicemail. I felt bad calling people at 11:30 at night, but we needed to figure something out. I then called Andrea (daycare provider) in case my mom couldn't be reached, but I got her voicemail, too.  So I sent a text to my friend, Karen, letting her know my water broke, but didn't get a response from her, either.

Finally at 11:50 I called my dad thinking maybe he would answer, and he did - albeit sleepily.  I told him I was in labor and he said ok they'd get it figured out.  Right after I got off the phone with him the first contraction hit.  10 mins later my mom called me back and when I was on the phone with her the second one hit - so the first two were 10 mins apart. She said she would be on the road in 10 mins and be here in two hours.  I thought I would be able to hold out until she got here since the contractions weren't bad yet.  I changed pajama pants and put yet another new pad on and we settled in the bed (me on a towel) and were watching "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days" while I waited for the next contraction.  The next two came at 15 minute intervals so I figured we would be good waiting for my mom. And then the next one came only 8 mins later.  Uh oh.

J called our friend Chris just to see if he might be able to come over to sit and wait for my mom to get here in case we had to head to the hospital.  The next contraction came after 7 mins and the one after that was down to 5 mins. I hurried up and called the answering service for the doctor and she told me she'd have Dr. Gregory call me back.  I knew I'd seen Dr. Gregory at some point during this pregnancy but couldn't quite remember which one she was. Anyway, by the time she called me back a few mins later the contractions were to the point that they were one after another with barely a break in between. I couldn't believe that that was possible - for them to intensify THAT fast.  She told us to get to the hospital and she was calling ahead to let them know we were coming.

J called Chris to get him over here and I threw the rest of the stuff I needed in my bag even though I was doubled over in pain.  I got to the car and we headed to the hospital. I was practically climbing the walls in the car because it hurt so much. Halfway there I started feeling like I needed to push. J put the pedal to the metal and got us there in record time.  I got out of the car and went in through the emergency entrance just as another contraction hit. This one dropped me to my hands and knees as I was trying to get my insurance card and license out of my wallet. I was on the floor swaying back and forth on my hands and knees trying to get through the contraction and the security guard who had a wheelchair for me was trying to get me to get up into the chair. I yelled "Hold on!" and waited for the contraction to pass.

They got me up in the chair and he wheeled me over to the one door waiting for the nurse to come get me.  I was writhing all over the chair in pain and he looked nervous. Finally the nurse got there and started wheeling me towards the elevator. I told her I felt like I needed to push and she yelled for a nearby EMT to come with us and took off running with me towards the elevator.  I was banging on the wall of the elevator on the short ride to the 3rd floor. She ran me through the halls to the delivery room yelling "She feels like she needs to push!".

She got me in the room and got me stripped down and into a gown. I was able to get on the bed and the one nurse went to check me - in the midst of another contraction.  She looked at me, said I was fully dilated and then said the words I dreaded - "There's no time for an epidural.". I almost burst into tears right there.  The nurses kept trying to calm me and talk me through the contractions, telling me to breathe and to try to relax. I kept saying "I can't do this!" and begging for an epidural.  J made it up to the room right then and grabbed my hand.  I looked at him and said "I can't do this." and he said yes I could. The contractions were awful. Every time I felt one coming on I would tense up and they would tell me to relax and breathe. Amazingly I didn't swear at anyone.  Dr. Gregory got there and checked me and said since the baby was still pretty high there might be time for an epi. I don't know if she was serious or just telling me that to calm me down, but I held out the hope that I would get some relief.  J was trying to fill out the consent form (without his glasses) and I was struggling through multiple contractions.

They were telling me to push and I didn't want to. I wanted the damn epi!  Eventually I had to push because it hurt too much not to. But I didn't want to push him out, just push enough to relieve the pressure and pain.  All of a sudden on the next contraction when I pushed his head came out and all of the nurses were yelling for nursery to be ready. At that point I knew an epidural was not going to happen.  On the next contraction as soon as it hit Dr. Gregory cut me a little (I had an episiotomy with Andrew and the scar tissue was not stretching and allowing this little guy to come) and I pushed.  All the nurses and J were yelling encouragements to me. I bared down as hard as possible, heard "He's coming!" and felt him slide out.  The plopped him up on my chest and I looked down at him in complete disbelief. He was screaming away and was amazingly pink.  I just kept saying "I can't believe that just happened.".  The time was 2:08 AM - 2 hours and 40 mins from the time my water broke. Holy hell.

After some skin to skin time they took him and cleaned him up before weighing him and getting him back to me to nurse.  He got a perfect 10 on his Apgars (a first for Dr. Gregory) and when he went to nurse he latched right on.  I was just looking down at him in complete disbelief.  7 lbs 8 oz and 20" of amazingness.

He is perfect. He has my fingers and toes (Andrew has his daddy's), and J's small head.  At first I didn't see any resemblance between him and Andrew, but the more I look at him the more I see it.  He has dark hair and we aren't quite sure what color his eyes are, but he is beautiful.

We came home yesterday with a bili blanket due to some jaundice, but I'll get into that later. Right now I just want to go enjoy this little person.

I still can't believe it happened.

The Final Countdown (39 Weeks)

Here I am - 39 weeks and STILL pregnant.  Ugh.

I know I shouldn't complain. I've had a healthy pregnancy and if he isn't ready to come then he isn't ready.  But even though I shouldn't complain I want him OUT!  

I'm cursing the fact that my doctors have gotten my hopes up with their "You probably won't make it to your next appointment" statements.  I wish they'd just said "See you next week!".  

I know I'm not due until next Friday, but if he is still hanging around he is going to be booted on Wednesday. (Which reminds me I need to call the doctor today).  I really really REALLY don't want to go through an induction. I know we could (and maybe should) let him go until he's ready, but we want him out before September 1st due to school cutoff dates (yes I know that boys mature slower and we should hold him back an extra year so he won't be the youngest in his class - I've heard it all).  

I don't know, I guess I got spoiled with Andrew's slightly early arrival and easy delivery and it got my hopes up that this would be a repeat performance.  For someone as impatient as myself this waiting game is absolute torture.  Maybe I jinxed myself by actually being prepared and packing my hospital bag ahead of time so we weren't throwing shit in a bag in the middle of the night like with Andrew.  Maybe if I go unpack it he'll decide to come out??

Ok - before I go back to bouncing on my exercise ball and break out my breast pump for another attempt at natural labor induction here is my check for this week:

How far along? 39w0d and baby is the size of a small watermelon.  He should be 7 lbs or more and maybe 19-20  inches long at this point. His brain is still rapidly developing and his fingernails are probably growing past the ends of his fingers by now.

Weight loss/gain:  36 lbs.

Maternity clothes: Obviously yes.

Labor Signs:  Some extra discharge (I know - eww!), my hips still feel like they're about to fall out of the sockets and I've been getting what could be contractions, but not regularly.

Name: No more discussions this past week. The lists will be going with us to the hospital and we will make a decision then. We both decided we can't really pick a final name until we see the kid.

Sleep: Sleep has been pretty decent this week.  Of course I go to bed very anxious every night worried that my water will break in the middle of the night and I'll go into labor and we'll have to scramble to get someone here for Andrew.  Other than that I'm sleeping fine.

Best moment this week? I would say finding out that I've made more progress and getting the membrane sweep to hopefully jumpstart labor, but since there is NOTHING happening in that department....

Movement: Still moving, but it's slowing down since I assume he's running out of room in there. I've been feeling more hiccups this week from  him and they are super low. His head is WAY down there.

Food cravings:  I just can't seem to stop eating. I bought another watermelon this morning and can't wait to cut into that bad boy.

Belly button in or out?  In and it's going to stay there.

What I miss?  Being comfortable.

What I'm looking forward to?  This kid vacating the premises.

Milestones:  Still the most pregnant ever!

What I'm nervous about: That this kid is not going to go anywhere until he is evicted. I really don't want to go through an induction, but we really want  him out before the end of the month.

And this week's pictures.  Trying my hardest to get a picture where my face doesn't look so damn round:

And head on: