Thursday, April 28, 2011

Epic meltdown

And I'm not talking about the baby...

This morning at 5:30 I pretty much lost it. Sobbing uncontrollably and basically losing my mind. One night of poor sleep sucks, but 5 weeks straight of it is putting me over the edge.  I knew that taking care of a newborn would be tough, but I really don't think I was prepared for just how hard it would be.

Last night he started nursing at 10:55 PM and I didn't get him down until midnight.  I was hoping that meant I wouldn't be back up until 3:30 or so.  Nope. At 2:30 he was wailing.  Luckily he ate fast that time and I was back in bed a little after 3:00.  But then at 4:30 he was wailing again.  He'd had an epic diaper blowout so I understood why he was yelling. Poo all up his back that went through his gown and blanket.  I changed him and let him nurse, but when I went to put him back down he started crying again.  He wasn't dirty, he wasn't hungry, he just wasn't happy.  I finally got him down at 5:30 and when I got back in bed he started fussing again.

That's when I lost it.  J rolled over when he heard me crying and tried to comfort me, but I was kind of inconsolable.  The exhaustion is getting to me.  And I don't understand how my office would expect me to be ready to come back to work after 6 weeks.  It will be 5 weeks this Saturday and he is nowhere near sleeping through the night. Or even in long chunks.  And I am not functional.

To top it off, I was so tired, frustrated, and upset that I yelled at Andrew.  And half a second later I felt like the worst mom in the world.  I love my baby more than anything and I would never ever do anything to harm him, but I'm just so tired.

J got up and soothed him at 5:30 after my meltdown and I actually got to sleep until 8:30, when he was wailing again. I fed him and we snuggled in bed for a while.  We came downstairs and had some tummy time:

After that I decided that we needed some fresh air and rather than dealing with the stroller I figured we could try out the sling:

We walked for an hour and I felt a little better.  Some fresh air and sunshine did wonders.  When we got home I showered, fed him, pumped a little, and now he is napping in his swing and I am about to lay down to get a little nap in myself. Hopefully I can sleep for an hour before he wakes up.  Mommy needs some rest.


  1. Andrew, let mommy sleep!

    I hope you get some rest soon! ((hugs))

  2. I don't have any kids yet, but I'm sure every mom has many, many days like this! I will never understand why US companies gives such a short amount of time for maternity leave! it takes many months for moms to be able to sleep enough to function at work. I just don't get it!

    I hope you & Mr Andrew get some good sleep!