Saturday, April 2, 2011

What's in a name?

Well, apparently if you're Andrew the answer is 'lots of drama'.

Back in December, right after we found out we were having a boy, my sister asked if we had any ideas for names. I told her the four I liked: Andrew, Evan, Owen, and Wesley. Right away she said "Please don't name him Andrew.". When I asked why she said because she had dated a guy named Andrew. I was thinking "If we cross off the name of every guy she ever dated then we won't have any names left." (she's dated a lot - 37 and still single). Then it hit me - she's talking about Andy - this total douche she was engaged to 7 years ago. The douche that cheated on her twice that I know of. I didn't make the connection because he was never referred to as Andrew - always Andy. And I don't like the nickname Andy and have no intention of ever calling our baby that.

Well, unfortunately J and I already really loved the name Andrew Joseph. It remained on the list, but I did keep researching names trying to find something we loved more.

Fast forward to last Saturday when our little man made his debut. My parents came to the hospital and we talked names. When I said what name we loved and expressed my concern that Nic would be upset, they both said "It's your baby - you name him what you want.".  And "She'll get over it.".

Of course she was texting me and asked what the name was. I said it was still to be determined - we hadn't filled out any paperwork yet.  J and I went through the list that we had and narrowed it down to Nathan and Andrew.  In my heart I had been calling him Andrew for months so I just couldn't let the name go.

Monday morning when we were waiting to be discharged she texted me again about the name.  I asked if she would be really upset if we named him Andrew Joseph.  Her first response was "It's a great name".  Then a few seconds later "I won't lie, it does make me a little sad still. I know I need to get over it."

I asked if it would make her not want to see him. She said "Don't be ridiculous.  But I won't lie, it would hurt my feelings. Only because I have been absolutely devastated by someone with that name to the point where it has seemed to have ruined my ability to love or trust anyone since.  I know I need to get over it. It's just a name.  But as I sob and try to text this I can't help but wish you would go with Nathan.".

She then had me in tears. J walked out of the bathroom (he had just showered) and I was sitting there sobbing.  He was upset that she was upsetting me like that.  She called me right then and we talked a little - both crying.  J and I filled out the paperwork and we headed home from the hospital.

I called her that evening and invited her over to see the baby.  She came over for two hours but it was weird. And she barely spoke to my mom while she was here.

Wednesday evening I get an email from her. A complete tirade.  At least six paragraphs long saying how she can't believe I would pick that name even after she asked me not to. And how she is mad at my parents for not sticking up for her and telling me I shouldn't do that to her. And after all she has done for all of us lately (Super Bowl trip, my parents anniversary party, throwing my baby shower) that she figured she deserved better. That she's supposed to be my best friend and I did this to her.  That she isn't at my side helping out like she thought she would be because she is so upset and can't be around me. That she loves my baby, but hates his name and needs some time.

I was shocked. I didn't even know how to respond. I emailed my mom and told her that someone should seriously suggest that she needs to seek some therapy. Especially if she is still so obsessed over this crappy relationship that ended over six years ago.

At 5:00 AM while I was up feeding Andrew I did respond to her.  I did suggest that she talk to someone professionally (in a nice way) and said that there was no conspiracy in naming our child. I didn't do it to hurt her. I said that I knew she might not like it, but never in a million years did I think she would have the kind of irrational response she is having now.  I said we both loved the name and even though I looked for other names there were none that we loved as much. That naming our child had nothing to do with her.

The more I thought about it the more pissed off I became about it all. Here I was, a brand new struggling first time mom 5 days post partum and she is attacking me. I was already a huge ball of emotions who had burst into tears multiple times for no reason. She's a doctor - she knows better than to do that.

She responded to my email the next day and I haven't even read it yet. I don't have the emotional or mental capacity to deal with it.  My mom had been copied on the emails from my sister (I didn't realize that) and my mom said that it basically said that she is still upset but she knows she has to get over it.

And when J saw how upset I was that night he sent my mom a message.  He is so mad at my sister for the way she is acting. He told me if I get another email from my sister to not tell him because he was pissed. 

I haven't heard from her since. except when she emailed to check and see if I have any pediatric questions.

More than anything I am mad at her for taking what should be the happiest time in my life and placing a black cloud over it.  I am so sick and tired of having to walk on eggshells around her and tempering my happiness because she is not happy with her life. It's not my fault that she is still single and doesn't have a family of her own.  I have tried introducing her to people and tried to get her out.  I don't know why she can't find someone. I want more than anything for her to find happiness, but I will now have a hard time forgiving her for ruining mine.

So that is the drama that happened right after I had Andrew.  I fear this may have caused a permanent rift in our relationship and that breaks my heart.  I just never thought that she would have such a reaction to a name. Everyone else thinks it's insane.  So now I don't know what to do...

When I get too sad about it I just look at this, sleeping next to me on the couch,  and it puts a smile on my face:


  1. Oh hun - that is some awful, unnecessary drama. No postpartum mama should have to deal with anything like that :( Your sister is acting like one selfish bitch and you shouldn't send any more energy her way. Hopefully soon she will wake up and realize what she's doing to you.

    Definitely try to keep your mind off her and just focus on your sweet little man! Too cute! :)

  2. It's been hard since she was always one of my best friends. Everyone else thinks she is being crazy, so it's not just me. It just hurts that she hasn't been around to see him :(

    But I can take one look at his sweet face and forget all about it.

  3. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this drama during one of the most precious times in your life. I hope she will soon realize how foolish she is being, stressing you out, and your putting a strain on your relationship. She must not realize she is missing the first few weeks with her brand new nephew!