It's official. I am a complete zombie. I have gotten less than 10 hours of sleep total over the last three nights. And the kicker is that I can't even blame it on Andrew (at least not the past two nights).
Monday night I was pretty tired after his screwed up sleeping over the weekend. After I got him down and I pumped I decided to head to bed (around 9:30). It took me probably 30 minutes to fall asleep. At 11:45 I heard him yelling on the monitor. It continued to get louder so I knew he wasn't going to put himself back to sleep. I went down, changed him (really wet diaper) and nursed him. At 12:30 I was back in bed and for the next 5 1/2 hours I laid there. Awake.
He wasn't fussing - except for around 5:00, but he quickly quieted down and went back to sleep. I was tired, but I couldn't fall asleep. I laid there watching the minutes and hours tick by on the clock. Every time I looked at the clock I did the math in my head and told myself if I fell asleep now I could still get 5 hours of sleep. Then 4 hours of sleep. Then 3 hours...
When the alarm went off I told J there was no way I could go into work just then. I emailed my boss letting him know I would need to take a half day and use some PTO. I drove Andrew to daycare feeling absolutely spacey and was so glad that it's less than a mile from our house. I hopped back in bed at 8:00 AM and was able to doze off and on until 11:45. J had swung by my office and gotten my laptop and dropped it off at the house so I was able to log in at noon and get 6 hours in.
Thankfully Andrew had an awesome day at daycare and I was able to pump enough milk for his bottles for today ::does non-energetic happy dance::
Last night I again got him down for the night, pumped what I could, and headed to bed at 9:30. J came to bed at 10:30 and I was still awake. And at 11:00. And midnight. And 1:00 AM. I think I may have fallen asleep for a little bit, but was awake at 3:13. I told myself I could get 2 1/2 hours if I fell asleep then, but I continued to watch the clock until 4:45. I did fall asleep then because I had a dream, but it was interrupted by my alarm at 5:46. %#@&!!!
I couldn't take a half day today or work from home because I had an on-site meeting with some higher ups at 9:00. Stellar. I drank a large Dunkin Donuts coffee on the way and attempted to look alert for the hour long meeting.
On the drive back to my office from the base I stopped at CVS and bought Tylenol PM. It's not optimal, but I NEED to get at least some sleep tonight or I might lose it. If Andrew does happen to wake up during the night tonight then J will have to feed him a bottle. I am so tired right now that I am completely nauseated and I honestly can't even think straight. Driving was almost scary because I know my reaction time is not great today.
I've honestly gotten less sleep the past two nights than I did when Andrew was first born and getting me up every 3 hours. At least then I was passing back out after getting him down and sleeping in 2 or 3 hour chunks. I've always been a pretty crappy sleeper, but this is getting ridiculous. Thankfully I can sleep in slightly tomorrow since I'm working from home so I can take Andrew to his rescheduled 6 month well check.
I'm just keeping everything crossed that I actually fall asleep - and stay that way for more than 30 minutes at a time.
Is there some sort of sleep god that I need to be praying to? Some ritual? A goat to sacrifice? At this point I don't care - I'll do anything to get some sleep.