Monday, October 3, 2011

I feel like I'm failing

This weekend was rough.

I'm not sure if the little munchkin is going through a growth spurt and it's affecting his sleep, or if our luck is just running out.  Saturday morning he had me up at 4:00, Sunday morning he had me up at 5:00 and this morning he had me up at 4:45.

No glorious nights with 11 straight hours of sleep for him.  Not even close.  The most sleep I got at night this weekend was about 5 1/2 hours.  Normally the weekends refresh me a bit since I don't have to get up as early as I do on workdays. Now it's only Monday and I feel like a zombie. (I know I shouldn't complain since there are plenty of people who have a baby who doesn't sleep like Andrew normally does - I just got used to him sleeping and now that his habits are changing I'm having trouble adjusting back to functioning on less sleep).

And he won't nap for me.  He naps wonderfully for them at daycare, but we can't get him to replicate that for us.  I have a feeling the room isn't dark enough.  I know "they" say you should get your baby used to sleeping in all conditions, but "they" aren't the ones that have to deal with a cranky mess of a baby when he won't sleep during the day.

We hung out on the couch watching my crappy football game since he was boycotting naps

Add in the fact that my right boob is beginning to be downright painful when he nurses and that my supply appears to be dropping and I fear we will have to start supplementing with formula and you have me, standing in the kitchen, bursting into tears this morning.

I feel like I am failing him.

I can't get him to nap, my boob is revolting against me, and my supply is crapping out.  All in all it makes me feel like I'm letting my munchkin down and that makes me sad.

Thankfully he seems oblivious to my feelings of failure

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he has a good day at daycare and he takes some naps so maybe he will be more rested this evening and have a good night's sleep.  And maybe the mass amounts of Mother's Milk Tea and fenugreek will kick my supply back into high gear.  I can only hope.

I love this little guy so much and I only want what is best for him...


  1. Fenugreek was my savor with my first... this time around it did nothing... my lactation consultant had me get Goats Rue... it seems to be working.
    sending hugs and prayers.
    You aren't failing him! He is such a happy little boy, you can totally see it, especially in the last picture!

  2. YOU are a great mama!

    It is so hard when they decide to change up sleep patterns! and I can absolutely understand you're worried about your supply. But give yourself some credit, you're doing a great job! Don't get down on yourself - andrew is so happy and loves you so much, even if your boob is being a bit of a bitch ;) Hope things turn around for you soon!

  3. MrsPnut - do you have any advice on where I can get some Goats Rue? I am willing to try anything right now.

    And thank you for the kind words ladies. I'm having a bit of a hard day and it helps to read the positive comments.

  4. You are a great mom and are far from failing.

    Is he teething maybe?

    I hope that the Mother's Milk tea and fenugreek work for you. Start giving right boob some pep talks. I know how stressful it is to worry about supply issues.

    Have you looked into a HM4HB group near you? You could look into BM donations until you can see about a supply fix to avoid formula.

  5. First time commenter here. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I don't know what kind of magic cribs daycare has, but we don't even come close to getting our son to nap the way he does at daycare. I like to think it's because he's excited to spend quality weekend time with us. :) Does Andrew seem cranky on the weekends? If not, don't worry about it! I'm sure good naps will come with time.

    And I'm really sorry that you're having some supply issues. Could you maybe try eating a little bit more to see if that helps? Is the hand pump working any better for you? Whenever my supply goes down, I try to use the hand pump for a few minutes in the morning when I wake up and again before I go to bed. (My electric is at work). Good luck, mama! You're doing great!