Whatever it is, lately I have been daydreaming about being pregnant again. It doesn't help that for the most part I really enjoyed being pregnant - 9 months of ridiculous constipation notwithstanding. Along with those daydreams, though, there have been some fears and concerns.
- The big one is the time and attention factor. Right now Andrew is it. He has our undivided attention. I love spending all my time with him at home, playing with him and watching his adorableness as he discovers new things. And I think he relishes having all the attention. So my big fear is that he may not adjust well to not being the only child and on the flip side, I wouldn't be able to give a new baby 100% of my attention like I could with him. One of the things I absolutely adored about him being a snuggly little newborn was getting to lounge with him sleeping on me and cuddling. I don't feel like I'd be able to do that with a second baby since I would also have a toddler to take care of. I know millions upon millions of people handle more than one kid just fine and in the grand scheme of things it's probably not as big of a deal as I make it in my head, but it does weigh on me.
- I know I have mentioned this one before, but I'm concerned that I wouldn't be able to love another baby as much as I love Andrew. He has become such an amazing part of our lives and I love him with every fiber of my being. Will I be able to love another baby so completely?
- This one is bad and really just has to do with me being vain. I was able to stay in relatively decent shape while I was pregnant with Andrew. Yeah, I gained 31 or so pounds, but I was able to go to the gym 4 days a week and I kept up my activity level, which I think helped me have a pretty easy pregnancy. I am no longer making it to the gym 4 days a week and consider it a great week if I get 3 workouts in now. So I'm afraid that I would blow up like a whale and have a miserable pregnancy and a horrible time getting back to looking/feeling like me after a second go round. (Selfish - I know!).
- Can we afford to go for two? Right now we are doing just fine and are by no means struggling to get by. Of course we really aren't putting money into savings right now like we could if we didn't have daycare/diapers/clothes to pay for, but we aren't eating ramen noodles every night either. I know J and I will have to sit down and go over our budget before we consider giving Andrew a sibling, and if I didn't have that damn car payment (which is actually more per month than we pay for daycare) I would feel better about it. I know a second child would not break us, but we would probably have to cut back on a few luxuries.
- And finally - I am already 35 years old. Unless I get pregnant right this second I will be at least 36 by the time a second child is born. And J will be 41. We are no spring chickens. With that brings the fear of a higher risk pregnancy and that thought of 'Do we have the energy to keep up with two?'.
And really, when I look at this face
How could I not want another one???