Oh Crap... or lack thereof

I'm not sure which is worse - the queasy feeling from earlier this week, or the feeling that I have a bowling ball in my gut that refuses to pass on?  Not that anyone wants to hear about my bodily functions, but mother nature is playing a cruel joke on me at the moment and has taken away the ability to do my business on a daily basis. Or even an every other day basis.  It's been days.  And nothing.

So far I have tried:

• Metamucil
• Fiber Choice chewable caplets
• Phillips stool softener (twice the oomph of Colace)
• Fiber and Omega 3 bars
• Drinking a TON of water
• Eating apples, carrots, salads, and anything else that should get me going
• Drinking my daily cup of coffee

Nada. Nothing. Zero.  I may have to pull out the big guns and go get some Milk of Magnesia.  I've heard that it does wonders, but it may not be a pleasant experience.  All I can say is it's gotta be more pleasant than the impending colon explosion if something doesn't give soon.  Wish me luck!