Friday, September 10, 2010

Pulling out all the stops

Again, I know that no one wants to know about my bodily functions (or lack thereof), but it's what's on my mind so here it is.  After one day of somewhat relief from my cocktail of Milk of Magnesia, Phillips Stool Softener and mineral oil I am back to feeling like I ingested some Quikrete and it has set up nicely in my bowels.  I am not sure what is up with my body.  I have eaten more fiber than you can shake a stick at and my colon just laughs at me.  It's as if it's down there saying "Nice try, but I am enjoying making you miserable so I think I'll just hold onto everything here."  Evil bastard.

After last night I have had enough. I woke up several times to pee, but that isn't what really woke me up. My full bladder seemed to be pushing down on my bowels and THAT is what jarred me awake.  Still no relief though.

So this morning I made a little stop at Harris Teeter and picked up my new arsenal.  Miralax, Sunsweet Prunes (which are surprisingly good), and some Fiber One bars just for kicks.  I had already mixed some Benefiber into my smoothie, but I threw in a dose of Miralax when I got to work.  Didn't taste too bad, but had a bit of a weird smell.  I ignored it and it was down the hatch.  Two little prunes and a cup of black coffee for good measure and now I am sitting at my desk (yes, I was brave/stupid enough to do this at work) and waiting to see what happens. I'm not worried about it kicking in while at work. I'm the only female upstairs in the office today and there is actually only one other person here.  I am more worried about it waiting until 7:00 tonight when we are at The Black Crowes concert to take effect.  That could be bad.

So, fingers crossed that tonight I am sitting in my seat with an empty colon enjoying the show and not trapped in the bathroom listening to the muffled sounds of 'Hard to Handle' off in the distance!

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