I know it may seem a bit early to start thinking about this or making a decision considering Andrew is only 5 months old. But, you see, I'm no spring chicken (turning 35 in November) and J is even less of one (40 in December) so time is not necessarily on our side.
I have gone back and forth over the years with the whole kid thing. Back in my early 20's when I was engaged to another guy I had come to the decision that I didn't want kids. If I'm honest with myself, though, it was that I just couldn't see myself having kids with him (one of the many red flags that motivated me to call off that wedding).
Once I met J and we got serious I had changed my tune. I couldn't wait to start our family and seeing those two lines on the pregnancy tests (I took several!) made me happier than I ever could have imagined.
Now, 5 months after Andrew came into our life, I couldn't be happier. I love him with every fiber of my being. Seeing him smile or hearing his laugh fills me with so much joy that I can't even put it into words. I never in a million years could have guessed just how much I could love this little person.
Of course now we have everyone asking when we are going to have another one, and I'm torn. Before I had said that I definitely wanted two because I grew up with two sisters and couldn't imagine being an only child. Having a built-in co-conspirator made childhood that much more interesting. And - name drama notwithstanding - I love my siblings to death.
But now I am having a hard time thinking about number two. I think it's because I love Andrew so much and I can't get my head around loving another person that much. I know deep down that I would, but right now I can't imagine it. I guess because if there was another baby then I wouldn't be able to give him all of my attention like I do now.
There's also the part of me that thinks that we have gotten way too lucky with him and there is no way lightning is striking twice. We got pregnant pretty quickly (cycle #3), I had a very easy and uncomplicated pregnancy (besides 38 weeks of awful constipation), a quick and easy delivery (8 hours from first contraction to him being here), and a relatively easy baby. Yeah, the first 10 weeks or so were tough, but then he started sleeping 8+ hours a night and it got much easier. There was no colic, no reflux, no extreme fussiness. It just makes me think that if we have another one he/she would be a complete trainwreck to make up for the easy time we've had this go around.
I don't know - maybe as he gets older I will be able to think about going for two, but right now I just want to enjoy all the new experiences with him and watch him grow.